Do you have seventeen dollars and a good watch?

Lesson the First: The quickest way to London Gatwick airport is not Grosvenor House—Paddington Station—Heathrow—Paddington Station—Victoria Station—London Gatwick.

Lesson the Second: Sprinting across London while lugging a giant suitcase, during rush hour, and on an empty stomach, is absolutely no fun.

Lesson the Third: Lugging said suitcase through the London Underground is particularly not fun given the absence of intra-station escalators.

Lesson the Fourth: If you and your spouse are particularly OCD and arrive at the (wrong) airport 2 hours early, you can still make your flight. It involves a taxi, roundtrip on the Heathrow Express train, the underground, a London-Gatwick train, check-in staff willing to work with you, and a sprint to the gate, but you can make it. If the flight is delayed.

Lesson the Fifth: Both parties should be aware of all traveling details, particularly if one member of said party has a history of air travel gaffes (say, booking a flight on the wrong day and not realizing until you arrive at the airport to fly down South to visit your brand new nephew for the first time). But don't worry, Jeremy, I'm not pointing fingers.

Lesson the Sixth: After such a traveling nightmare, that $8 Budweiser you buy on the plane tastes pretty damn good.