To the Douchebag who Stole My Wallet

I was in Chili's. Because my mother-in-law had given us a gift certificate. It's not a fancy place--there aren't hooks under the bar for your purse. So the bag went on the floor. Little did I know that the bartender would actually card me--leading me to reach down and pull up my bag with one strap. Was that the moment my wallet fell on the floor? I'll never know.

What I DO know is that, if I found a wallet on the floor of the bar, I'd hand it to the bartender and say, "Hey, I found this on the floor. We should take care of it so that some douchebag doesn't abuse it."

So, hey, douchebag who took my wallet and used my check card, then my credit card, then my other credit card...

I volunteer with my church's youth group. I donate to ASPCA. I work for an organization that strives for affordable housing. No, I'm not perfect...but I gotta think karma's on my side. So, "Gird your loins," Douche Bag. We're on to you.

And I'm cuter.