You know, Oliver, I sometimes think I was born with a genius - an absolute genius - for doing the wrong thing.

It's raining (again), there are contractors in the house preventing me from taking my noontime nap, and I chafed myself somewhere uncomfortable during my run this morning...SO let's talk about some Oscar gowns! I've been a bit disappointed with the selection this year. Everything seems to be a throwback to the 80s. See, for example, this one, which I have dubbed the "What about prom, Blane?" dress:

But there are a few contenders. Badgley Mischka, $6,955:

Love the shiny tuxedo look!

Elie Saab, $14,875:

A similar neckline to last year, but I can't turn down this color.

Oscar de la Renta, $13,290:

Who doesn't love a textured mullet dress?

Jenny Packham, $3,775:

Because a badass 40-year-old can totally pull off a jumpsuit.

Ralph and Russo (everyone seems to be wearing this designer this year!), $28,810:

AKA, "You Could Just Go Buy a Car Instead." 

So, what should I wear?