Manliness is not all swagger and mountain climbing.

Another year at Brevard’s White Squirrel Festival (I wrote about last year’s adventure here). Believe it or not, people actually come from out of town to attend this thing. The most commonly overheard question is, “Are they albino?” Not something you generally hear a lot. (The answer, as any local will tell you (with a sigh), is “No, they aren’t albino.”)

This year, I had my niece and nephew in tow. They seem to have taken a liking to me, which is nice (most of the time…except for when I need a moment’s peace (or to pee)). A big highlight of any trip to Brevard is O.P. Taylor’s (yes, a Andy Griffith/Mayberry reference) toy store. There was an electric racecar track set up, which my nephew of course ran over to. There was another kid already playing, and when my nephew turned to him first thing and said, “Hey!” I thought, oh good, he’s being friendly with his peers! Turns out, not so much. What followed “Hey!” was: “Can you give Mary a turn?” As if the kid should bow down to the greatness that is “Aunt Mary.” (Needless to say, he gave my nephew a weird look and continued racing.)

Brevard is a weird town. There are (I guess because of the outdoor recreation available) a bunch of crunchy granola types. So you walk around the festival, and there’s the smell of barbeque and funnel cake…but also patchouli. Yoga instructors were walking the streets, trying to sell books. One of them came up to me, of course wearing a long, billowy skirt and Birkenstocks. After I explained that I “wasn’t a yoga person,” she said something along the lines of, “OK, man, cool! Peace.”

At the same time, there are a TON of retirees from all over in Brevard. My mom and I were walking the street, looking for my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew. Mom said, “I just keep waiting for someone to call out, ‘Grandma!’”  Yeah, if a kid yelled for Grandma in Brevard, most of the town’s female inhabitants would turn around expectedly.

The kids really enjoyed watching the boxcar racing (a car modeled after the Titanic was a bit hit), but my favorite moment of the festival? The Transylvania County Tea Party booth. Because, in the 90-degree weather, they had a guy dressed up in a wool Revolutionary War-era uniform.  A public show of dumb-assery…sounds about right to me.