Just Watch Your Mouth, or I'll Sit on You

So yesterday's Facebook status, in case you didn't see it, was:

Mary's work day began with someone asking her if she was pregnant, on account of her "pooch." No, just fat, thankyouverymuch. Now please go lick an electrical socket.

Now that I've had 24 hours to stew over this, I'd like to add on to my suggestion that she go lick an electrical socket...and I'm including my dear, beautiful pregnant friend Sara on the "Vindication List." Why do people think it's OK to touch/comment on your body when you're pregnant? If I'm ever pregnant and some stranger walks up to me and reaches out for my stomach with their hand, they're going to lose it. All I'm saying.

Anyway, this lady can also lick:

-the subway pole
-the inside of the office microwave
-the football-sized rats running around the alley behind our building
-Glenn Beck

Jeremy had suggested I punch her in the face. Tempting, but I like to think a little more creatively...say, emptying the contents of a Ped Egg in her tea, or replacing the contents of her iPod with this.

I am open to other suggestions, as long as they are nefarious.

And now, evil co-worker who will forevermore be known as "Evil Co-Worker," me and my "pooch" are going to get a cup of coffee, glaring at your office as we walk by. Suck it.