What's Your Contingency Plan for a Crap Storm of This Magnitude?

I had some more bad news last night--my Uncle passed away suddenly. For those keeping track, that's two grandmothers, one aunt-in-law and one uncle since November. So God...my family would like to stop losing people now, OK?

To distract myself, I headed to the genealogy section of the library (I know, I know...dork alert). I wasn't even looking up my own family, but trying to find more info about the photo album I purchased at an antique store back in April. And while I came up with a big goose egg on that front, I did find some late 19th-century examples of fine, fine journalism, which I feel compelled to share.

First off, you have to understand that obituaries and the like were insanely detailed back then. Waaaaaay TMI...generally followed by the deceased's or heir's home address. Also, an amazing amount of people died by getting hit by trains in 1890s St. Louis. Newspapers also had detailed accounts of freak accidents, whether the victim died or not. Here's a good one from December 3, 1895 about poor Mary Bird, who fell down an elevator shaft and was stuck for 10 hours:

During this period Miss Bird was able to watch the rats come out of the cracks in the wall at the bottom of the elevator shaft and creep toward her, where they played through her hair and dress. The rats began biting her in the face, body, arms, legs and other body parts, causing bleeding.

Gross, right? But wait, it gets better! On December 5, 1895, the newspaper noted that Miss Bird was "slowly recovering," and also that:

She was greatly surprised to learn of the report that had been given out that rats had gnawed her flesh as she lay at the bottom of the elevator shaft all night, and both she and her parents vigorously deny that such is the case...she greatly deplores the report that she will be disfigured.

And, from the same day, another errata--not as gross, but highly amusing:

Dr. B Metcalfe wrote the newspaper to say that he was not dead as we had reported yesterday. The Democrat erroneously reported that he was pennyless [sic] and had to sell cough drops on the streets of Chicago to survive...He was never sued for malpractice, he is still alive and he is no where near 80 years of age!

My favorite part of that one is the "selling cough drops on the street to survive" bit. I mean, where in the heck did that information come from? And as for poor, non-disfigured Miss Bird--did they ask a nine year-old boy for his account of what might have happened down in that elevator shaft? How else would such a rumor get started?

Not that any of this journalistic mess compares to what's going on in Britain, but still--I have to think that December 5, 1895 was a helluva day at The St. Louis Democrat's offices.